Will you please critique and comment on this poem?
Saturday, March 27th, 2010 at
11:58 am
Untitled
With crippled voice
He writes in pen
Regurgitating all the ugliness
from within
The world.
He makes his stand
Sitting on bar stool not facing
The crowd
He speaks his voice and speaks it loud
But mumbled, and weak
Not proud.
They listen with deaf eyes
And sip their mud
Not realizing he’s drinking
Their Blood.
You are loud and assertive from within yet reserved outwardly. Although they may see you they are too apathetic to care or hear you. You fully understand them to the point of taking theoretical possession of their thoughts and it is driving you mad.
Great poem, Dante.
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
So she ate that instead.
They proved the point of your pen.x.
Excellent. Keep it up 😉
If I had been there,
I would have listened.
I loved the ending!
And am glad you are writing again.
The Observer
They don’t realize that the words he writes are from them, the ugliness of the world. As an observer he records.
it is always the quiet one
With a few simple words
you colour more than one –
‘human’s nature’.
Untitled is a ‘perfect’ title btw.
.
.
This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Answer mine please
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmEKzx5CeGPe.m.68PacZmrsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100326082303AA0lejL
i love a red beer. lol
this was creepy Mixtli
but i liked it!
im wondering if you wrote this on the napkin.
🙂
I thought of the character as a secret agent Jesus: The Second Coming Remix by DJ Mixtli
He drinks their blood? With a twist…
Hurray!! This is what I read earlier. Good writing.
***note: when you are notified of your violation I suggest you fight it. I have won in the past. There is absolutely no reason this should have been reported.
It is a bit creepy but really good and has a clear understanding
Dante’s pen is back again with the brush. Creation is at hand.