Help! My mother-in-law is trying to decorate my house!?
We recently bought a house and since then, my mother-in-law has constantly been trying to decorate it. Her style is NOT my ideal. We recently had an argument over whether there should be bar stools at the island in the kitchen (she said yes, I said no). She thinks we need a bigger table (a glass top, even though we have 2 boys under 4) and she doesn’t like our curtains (which I made and my husband and I love). She’s always buying things she thinks we need for the house (sometimes expecting us to pay her back, even though we never told her to buy them and really didn’t want them). She’s bought god-awful drapes, that are just sitting in our closet because I think they’re hideous (and I’ve told her so). The most recent is that she has bought a set of bar stools for our kitchen (which I didn’t want, and she knows that) for a birthday present for my husband. Oh yes, it’s a birthday present, so she knows I won’t say anything against it. How can I get her to butt out without hurting her?
to invite her into my shopping plans for my decorating. This may or may not work but it is worth a try. I think that she wants her imput to count. Sounds like she is bored with her own decorating. Suggest that this spring you could volunteer to help her redecorate her place if she would like. Tell her of your likes and dislikes as far as decorating goes. As far as the bar stools, hmmm if I had a cellar I would have a bar built and place them there!
Or try sitting her down and telling her that you appreciate all that she has done, but this is something that you and your husband has looked forward to doing on your own.
Good luck.
I have heard of mothers & in-laws like this. She enjoys doing this type of thing & she probably has finished decorating her home, so is now bent on doing yours. It is fun & kind of exciting. She now has a blank slate, so-to-speak, but I don’t see a way for you out of it with-out probably hurting her feelings. But, she isn’t worried about yours, so you really don’t need to be too overly concerned about hers. I assume she has had her chance, (doing her own home) and it appears that your husbands & your tastes are different than hers. You could tell her you appreciate her efforts and you realize that she means well, but you want her to consult with either you and your husband before she goes ahead with ant additional items for YOUR home. If she doesn’t, when she brings something in, feel free to tell her she didn’t consult with you guys first & you don’t like the item, that she can return it & get her money back!
Gifts are meant to be used how you want to use them. Since she keeps on giving you stuff you don’t want or need, sell them on craigslist or ebay and use the money to decorate the house the way you want to. If she gets offended by this maybe she’ll stop giving you the "gifts"and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.
At some point she will have to come to terms with the fact that you get to do your house the way you want to, and she can decorate her own place.
1] your [ you and husband ] house, your choices
2] gifts are to please the recipient, NOT the giver
3] return, sell or donate all unwanted items – get RID of them
4] make sure husb backs you up on this
You already TOLD her you didn’t want bar stools – presernt or no
6] she is wasting her money and your time [ AND being an extreme controller ]
I may be projecting here, but she might be trying to see how far she can push you, in terms of boundaries. The house might be a trial run for her future interference in how you raise your kids, what sort of career choices you and your husband make, whether you ever decide to move…
It might be painful and embarrassing, but I would nip it in the bud right now. If I were you, I’d establish clear and firm limits with her, and directly address her controlling behavior. Don’t push her out completely, but let her know that she’s gone too far for you. She’ll probably respect you for it (once the screaming is over).
maybe if u have a guest room let her decorate it however she wants and tell her the rest of ur house is urs? or start trying to redecorate her style to show her how annoying it is
My friend had that problem with her MIL years ago and I made the joking suggestion that she start buying hideous things for the MIL’s house as "gifts." She actually took up the idea and started scouting off-price and thrift stores for ugly lamps, horrible paintings and gaudy knick-knacks that she knew would not suit the style of her social climbing MIL. My friend would wrap them beautifully and give them to her at Christmas and Mother’s Day and then ask about them when they would visit the in-laws: "Now where did you hang that adorable tearful clown painting we gave you? That was an original, you know. I don’t see it anywhere — didn’t you like it?" Her MIL finally got the hint and stopped "gifting" them with decor items.
This is your husband’s mother, not yours. He needs to speak to her in a kind, loving, straight-forward manner and, somehow, try to make her understand that you two want to decorate your own home. Each individual has different tastes, and never the twain shall meet. This woman needs to learn how to mind her own business, get a hobby, or do some volunteer work and stay out of your lives. Tell her you are giving the stuff she gave you that you are not using to charity, if she does not want it back, and that you are not going to pay her for stuff you did not ask for. This is totally out of control. Get a handle on it before she goes beserk (she’s well on her way). I’ve seen this before, and it did not stop. The wife was a wuss;, the husband was a wuss; and the mother-in-law was a bully. It’s time for all of you to grow up and speak up, and stop letting this nut job walk all over you.
Have your hubby ask your M-I-L where she bought the bar stools and then return / exchange them for something you like. Keep doing this until she gets the hint IT IS YOUR HOUSE, not hers!
But you husband has to. Mother in Laws do cause huge fights, but mostly because they think they are helping. You can do nothing. You’ve already done more than you should try. You’ve got to explain to your husband that he has to handle it because she is his mother (does your husband think this is a problem? If not, I suggest counseling).
Good luck.