Comments on: Is this a good way to start out a fiction story about ghosts?

By: alex_penyfai

alex_penyfai — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:30:01 +0000

I wish I was qualified to answer this, but I’ll try to give a couple of ideas that occur to me.
First, I think that each person’s speech should start on a separate line
e.g.
‘No, honey. Why do you ask?’
‘No reason.’
I guess’ I’m making eggs’ is an Americanism. It’s not an expression I would use. Making scrambled egg or frying an egg, maybe.
Otherwise you seem to have set the scene okay.
It’s as good as anything I can do – go for it.

By: Smith_Vegas_Wife

Smith_Vegas_Wife — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:30:01 +0000

For being in 5th grade its pretty good. You need to use spell check though, and i dont believe the word you want is foir. But I would tak out the word "Mother" in the Im making eggs sentence, you dont want to overuse a word. Good luck

By: t3N@zd@b3zt

t3N@zd@b3zt — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:30:01 +0000

this is a GREAT! way to start out a story about ghosts. it is quite spooky and I can just feel the chill creeping up the back of my spine and it feels like my hair is standing on end. for further ghost stories try starting out with a family element where for example: the family is enjoying a nice breakfast during a storm, and then the lights flicker and the power blacks out but meanwhile out side the window, all of the neighbors lights are on, and you can see from the side window that the next door neighbors are enjoying a nice breakfast.
good luck on your asignment.