Is this a good way to start out a fiction story about ghosts?
It was a new dawn on a new day at the old house which she had lived in for years. The liquid yellow sun was but a thin line above the horizon, barely visible, yet still making the sky rather bright.
Gwyneth walked down the long, drawn out stair case and into the giant foir. The light from the tall windows in her huge house came down and shown her light blonde hair, making it seem as if it was completely white.
She turned into the long corridor, in search of the kitchen. When she finally came to a hault, she was no where near the kitchen.
She had felt something. A brush of air, perhaps? Perhaps not. She turned around, wondering if her mother was up doing something, but yet she saw nothing.
"Hello?" She said in a nervous voice. No response. "Probably nothing," she said, only trying to console herself.
As she finally reached the kitchen, she waked in and saw her mother perched on one of the bar stools, reading the newspaper.
"Oh, good morning, Gwyneth," she said, turning around toward her daughter. "Good morning, mother," she said, walking to the bar
stool next to her. "Have you opened a window, mother?" She asked, considering the chill she had felt in the hallway earlier.
"No, honey. Why do you ask?" "No reason."
Gwyneth stood up from the seat and walked over to the fridge.
"Mother, I’m making eggs. Would you like some?" She offered. "Um, no thank you. I’m good with just my coffee," Her mother said, giving her
a quick smile.
Gwyneth shrugged, cracking only one egg into the pan and started poking at it with the spatula.
After eating breakfast, she made her way up the stairs to change into something at least a bit more formal than her night clothes.
—That’s what I have so far. Tell me if I should start over..! (I’m only in 5th grade, so don’t be too harsh. Give me some tips on better writing! I have to do this for school 
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Tagged with: bar stool • bar stools • chill • egg • eggs • fridge • gwyneth • hallway • hault • honey • horizon • light blonde hair • new dawn • night clothes • spatula • stair case • stairs • tall windows • thin line • yellow sun
Filed under: Your Community Center
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I wish I was qualified to answer this, but I’ll try to give a couple of ideas that occur to me.
First, I think that each person’s speech should start on a separate line
e.g.
‘No, honey. Why do you ask?’
‘No reason.’
I guess’ I’m making eggs’ is an Americanism. It’s not an expression I would use. Making scrambled egg or frying an egg, maybe.
Otherwise you seem to have set the scene okay.
It’s as good as anything I can do – go for it.
For being in 5th grade its pretty good. You need to use spell check though, and i dont believe the word you want is foir. But I would tak out the word "Mother" in the Im making eggs sentence, you dont want to overuse a word. Good luck
this is a GREAT! way to start out a story about ghosts. it is quite spooky and I can just feel the chill creeping up the back of my spine and it feels like my hair is standing on end. for further ghost stories try starting out with a family element where for example: the family is enjoying a nice breakfast during a storm, and then the lights flicker and the power blacks out but meanwhile out side the window, all of the neighbors lights are on, and you can see from the side window that the next door neighbors are enjoying a nice breakfast.
good luck on your asignment.