How does this sound for a novel?
I felt like my life was over as soon as I walked in that party…..I know it sounds melodramatic, probably because I’m being so vague, but I really did. Some how I knew something bad was going to happen that I couldn’t stop.
Last year, I had moved out of the foster home I had been living in since I was 10 into a ritzy neighborhood in the Hamptons. You could say that I was terrified…that would be an EXTREME understatement. But I got over it. It’s easy for me to deal with change because when I was 8 my whole family was in a car accident. I was the only one that made it.
So, having no power over where I was going to go, I moved to East Hamptons, where the rich, influential, and snooty live. My new parents are nice; more than nice, they are what people in foster care system dream about, just because I am 16 and very few people like adopting teenagers. They own a large ferm. I don’t really know what else to say about them.
It’s probably best to explain what happened before The Party. First day of school. Nobody talks to new girls, especially a new girl who doesn’t know anyone. So there I was, Tiffany Wood, standing in the hallway of this prestigious school that my parents had payed so much to get me into. As I walked, people walked past me as if I wasn’t even there. That is the only thing worse than being talked about or being picked on. The bell rings. I slowly prosseed to walk over to AP pysics, my first class.
I walk in, and nobody says a word. Slowly, I walk to the teachers desk.
“Um, im Tiffany. I’m new…….” I say, then wait for a response.
The teacher, a young tall, super model-esque man looks at me threw his glasses, then looks down at his vintage Rollex, and points to a seat. I walk. I look for the customary public school stool, but find a cushioned bar stool, complete with swivel….I guess this place is going to take a while to get used to.
The girl in the seat next to me glances at me, then looks away and laughs. I’m not ugly or anything, but I’m not exactly what you call super model beautiful either. So, I sit and start taking notes…..but it is too dull…. I guess even private school is boring. So, I look around at the people. All have freshly manicured fingers, beautifully styled hands. If I didn’t know better, I would say they all looked like royalty…well I guess they are. Hampton royalty. The front row has a petite blonde girl sitting next to a large, obviously football playing, guy. They’re a couple. I just know it.
The front of the room is boring me. Now, I’m not looking for guys or anything, I just want to see one friendly face in this place… but even after I look at “the nerd”, not one person smiles or looks at me. It’s like I’m a glass fixture. There, just see through. The bell rings.
I am the first one to get up, because I didn’t have my stuff out in the first place. I walk threw the door, only to run right into a handsome, tall, blonde boy.
“ Oh my gosh, I am so sorry,” I say as my eyes water from embarresment, “ lemme get out of your…sorry.” People begin to shuffle by, saying hi to the blonde boy, as we both pick up out things. I begin to mutter one last sorry, and I start walking. Like he’s gonna talk to the normal looking adopted girl who nobody knows. And he’s obviously very popular.
“Wait, are you new?” he nonchalantly says.
“Yeah, I just moved here from….not here” I’m to embarrassed to say that I’m not rich.
“Cool, I guess. I’m Connor. Connor Alexander.” he flashes his beautiful white smile at me. For a moment, I am so stunned that this popular, hot guy is talking to me. Is this a joke? Nothing like this ever happens to me.
“Hi. Tiffany Wood….I mean I’M Tiffany….ugh sorry….hi. I’m Tiff.” I settle for my childhood name, even though I never really liked either of them.
Laughing, he says “ ha-ha well have a good day Tiff Wood. Catch you around?”
“You know it!” I then realize how childish I must have sounded, and abruptly smack myself in the face.
~this is just part of what i was thinking about. maybe the first chapter.please tell me what you think about it
~

Tagged with: bar stool • car accident • desk • east hamptons • first class • first day of school • foster care system • glasses • neighborhood • new girl • new girls • new parents • prestigious school • rollex • standing in the hallway • super model • teenagers • tiffany • understatement
Filed under: Your Community Center
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DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE ABOVE ME!!!
They are just not understanding to what a potential this is…DO NOT GIVE UP!!! The first paragraphs where great, then it kinda got a little off track. BUT THIS IS JUST A PRACTICE COPY. Keep up the good work and plz dont give up…I like the story and keep at it!!!
I hope it gets published!
um, lame.
Learn the English language before attempting to write a novel kiddo.
Very cliche, boring, and something I would never read.
It’s not bad, but do you know what audience you’re going to aim this at? Teen fiction? If so, you’ll need more of a storyline than just the boring old romeo and juliet love story. There’s hundreds of movies and books out there about an unpopular girl moving to town, meeting the popular guy, struggling with the popular girls, this happens, that happens, and then they get together and live happily ever after.
Good, but you’ll need to add something that sets it apart from all the other love stories. Stick at it. Oh, and make sure you use spellcheck.
Wow, its good to see everyone is being to supportive and helpful tonight lol. But honestly, aside from the grammar issues you should consider this, "Where are you going to go with this?" from what you posted I Still have no idea whats going on, which makes me not really care about Tiffany. I see you tried to force us to care with the back-story that you gave for her but it comes off as to forced and Cliched. Try to make us care about her without just dumping her life story on is in a small paragraph. Have her reveal it over time. But right now she feels like a cardboard character. It has potential though and don’t let all the "cheerful" people in here get to you.